Often we're asked this question: "So After I have considered and respected and accepted the child's feelings, and I have even acknowledged them, what next?
Our response:
It's like we asking you, after you have won a million dollar lottery, "What next"?
Well nobody asks this (after the lottery) question - because we do not care, what next. We celebrate the lottery, that's it.
It's assumed after the lottery, 'they happily lived ever after'
In a way it's similar with emotions.
By acknowledging, accepting and respecting the child's feelings - we have got the lottery. The lottery is the connection to the child. We have a relationship going!
Who bothers 'what after that'!
You will say, "Ya all that is fine, but what do I do next? What do I do about, say the child's behaviour"
You will say, "Ya all that is fine, but what do I do next? What do I do about, say the child's behaviour"
And we say, "What's the hurry?
If you want to fix the child or fix the situation or get the outcome you so much want - then yes, 'what next' is soooooo important.
However, if you want to understand your child (and understand yourself) - then there is no hurry.
If you want your child to feel understood - then there is no what's next.
Many parents we meet (including us some years back), say, "I understand my child". They also go ahead and say to their child, "I understand you".
Can we really understand somebody? Really, can we? Is that even possible? - given that every moment the other person is thinking and feeling and changing. We can 'know' a great deal, but can we really understand?
Maybe in all my humility, I can try and understand, - I can be `understanding`.
Can we really understand somebody? Really, can we? Is that even possible? - given that every moment the other person is thinking and feeling and changing. We can 'know' a great deal, but can we really understand?
Maybe in all my humility, I can try and understand, - I can be `understanding`.