Husband decides to make tea himself since wife has gone out. But as he looks for and opens jars after jars, he finds other things but not sugar. Little frustrated, he calls wife.
She coos back lovingly, "Darling Husband, when will you start finding things on your own? Please look more.
You remember the blue Jar in which we used to keep Coffee. Now it has a label which says Pepper. You'll find sugar in it."We're all like this Jar.
Whats in the Jar will keep changing. Then why hold on to one state? Why hold to a specific image of ourselves?
It was frustrating for husband to not find what he was looking for.
When we hold on to 'one me', and on any occasion we find something else inside, we get disturbed or deeply disappointed with ourselves. We end up putting down ourselves.
When we realise that the me simply keeps changing, moment to moment, then when we find something we're not looking for, we meet that me and then move ahead - look more.
Interestingly when others find in us ( the blue jar) what they do not like, they throw a label on us. They mark the Jar 'coffee' or 'pepper' or whatever.
We get hurt and say, Why are you judging meπ‘!"
But that is not true.
Others do not judge.
Never.
They simply throw the label of what they see in us.
It's just an expression.
We are the ones who judge ourselves.
We were holding to some specific images(s) and since the others threw a diff image we get all worked up. This dissonance is what we call as judgement.
Interestingly if the same person were to find inside us a likable or so called positive label we don't call it a judgement.
We say with glee "That's me!"
Ah, in any case it was me only, the same old blue jar, with inside sometimes coffee, sometimes pepper and sometimes sugar!
If your neighbour calls you "friendly" - you like it, you may blush or even thank her.
If your neighbour calls you "insensitive" you call her judgmental.
So, is it that she is judging you or you're judging which label is welcome and which is to be detested and to be thrown back.
So, WHO is the judgeπΆ?
People are really never judging us. We are judging their expressions based on our expectations or what images we are holding on to.
We're judging ourselves.
The moment we accept all images as me, there is no judgement.
And then significantly I can, instead of getting wrapped up in these self judgements, welcome the other's expression as valuable information to understand the other and to change whatever needs to change in my approach or behaviour, or to simply move on enjoying the me-blue-jar.
I often hear people saying "Aarohi is a such a non-judgenental space."
First my mind objects, "Naah! You get your share of labels and expressions from all based on what others find inside you in any situation".
Then, more importantly, my mind wants to ask them, "Since you are the one who judges yourself, do you want any space or person to be non-judgmental
OR
Do you want yourself to be judgement free?".
If yes, then Darling you, start finding all the images of the world inside you. Please look more.
You're just the blue Jar. That's all.